Category Archives: Search Term Q&A

Q & A with Random Strangers on the Internet, Pt. 5!

Posting a Search Term Q & A with Rosh Hashana coming up next week, all the pre-referendum drama in Catalonia (yes, Josep, I’ve been watching carefully), and my debut novel, By Light of Hidden Candles launching in one month and three days (aaaahhhhhhhhh) feels like cheating, but as you can imagine, I’ve been busy 😉 Besides, this list is getting long, and it’s time to get it out there!

For those of you just tuning in, every once in a while I write a post responding to questions and phrases that people have typed into search engines, which led them to this blog. You can find links to previous Search Term Q & A’s at the bottom of this post.

Shall we begin?

“why do you have to kiss a prayer book if you drop it in temple”

To be fair–you don’t have to. But there’s a Jewish custom to kiss holy books when they have been inadvertently treated disrespectfully–like if you drop them on the floor by accident. (This doesn’t apply just to synagogue/temple, either. It applies everywhere.) Some of us actually always kiss prayer or other holy books after using them, just out of respect and fondness.

BTW–it’s a much bigger deal if you drop a Torah scroll. This is such a grave degradation of the sanctity of the Torah that for hundreds of years, the custom in Jewish communities was for everyone who witnessed a Torah scroll being dropped to fast for 40 days! These days, because Jews aren’t as badass as our Ramadan-observant Muslim friends when it comes to fasting and 40 days is a bit much for us, most communities give charity instead.

This is why we are EXTREMELY careful when carrying Torah scroll!

“things you dont know about jews”

Huh. That is a very interesting question, Internet Stranger. Unfortunately it’s nearly impossible to answer, since you can’t really know exactly what it is you don’t know, now can you?

“what is the meaning of bein hatzlilim”

Literally, Bein HaTzlilim (the title of Yonatan Razel’s second album) means “between the sounds” or “between the notes.” The word tzlil (צליל) implies a musical note or pleasant sound. The title song of the album is about man’s relationship with God and responsibility to the earth and fellow man; some heavy stuff!

Here’s my translation of the chorus:

It’s between the sounds,
Between the words
And above the stars
But also very close to me,
Deep in my heart
Calling me to Him
To choose life
Not to forget or try to hide
So before the sun sets,
Maybe a new light will dawn
Maybe we will change

It’s a very deep and powerful song. I’m glad you asked! Razel recently put out a new album, Poteah Lev, and I enjoy it, but I think Bein HaTzlilim was his best so far.

“100 facts about judaism”

Okay, Internet Stranger, now that’s just overly demanding. I’m sure you’ll find at least that many if you spend enough time reading this blog. (Might I recommend my book instead? It’s easier to read and more organized.)

“things man cannot tell a woman”

Ahhh, Internet Stranger. You are asking the wrong question. It’s not what you say; it’s how (and when) you say it.

Allow me to give you the exact same advice I gave Josep when he expressed a thorough (and highly justified) bafflement with womankind: read this book. It will change your life.

Next!

“hebrew names of god mephenaij phaton tattoo.com”

I… don’t even…

“israeli bizarre culture”

I won’t deny it. However, have you heard of Catalan culture? That one’s pretty bizarre too.

“what are weird facts about jewish people”

Personally, I think the weirdest fact about Jewish people is that we still exist. By all accounts, that should not be true. And yet here we are.

“did haman come from the amalikites”

Yup! He was a descendant of Agag, the Amalekite king whom the prophet Samuel killed after King Saul failed to do so.

“old yahud coins”

I assume you mean Yehuda, a.k.a. the Kingdom of Judah. (“Yahud” means “Jews” in Arabic.) I do believe coins have been discovered from that period. However, I personally am not in possession of any. Good luck!

(ETA: My husband–tour guide Rabbi Eitan Levy–informs me that “Yahud” is also the Persian name for Judah, and it was called that as a province under Persia; and many of the coins that were discovered in Israel were from that period. He even showed me that the 1-shekel coin that we currently use has “Yahud” written on it in ancient Phoenician script. You learn something new every day!)

“very sad pictures of love blood boy haman”

I must admit, I never, ever imagined seeing the words “love”, “blood”, “boy”, and “Haman” consecutively in one sentence.

I Google-Imaged this to see what on earth you might have found from my blog with these search terms, and what I found was a painting of a blood libel from my Great Post of Jewish Conspiracies. Joyful stuff.

“friends boring strangers”

Yup, that’s us. Daniella & Josep: friends boring strangers since 2014. (I feel like there should be a silly photo of us to accompany this. Alas, photos of any sort featuring both of us are in very short supply due to a minor geographic issue.)

“torah on friendship”

I did, indeed, post about friendship in Judaism in honor of our tenth friendversary!

“hinna rabbinic”

The hinna (henna) ceremony held before weddings in North African and Middle Eastern Jewish communities is not even rabbinic; it’s just a custom, one that doesn’t even originate in Judaism. Muslims in those areas also have henna ceremonies, if I’m not mistaken.

“describe the changes in his eye that enabled him to see the red light at a distance of 150m.describe also how he was able to hear the siren and restore his balance instantly”

I… will gladly do so, but first I need a few clarifications:

  1. Who are we talking about?
  2. What was wrong with his eyes before the alleged changes?
  3. What kind of siren are we talking about?
  4. What made him lose his balance in the first place?
  5. Why in the name of all things purple did Google direct you to my blog?

“write a letter to your aunty and invite her on dinner at eid event”

Dear Aunt Sue,

I have been instructed by a Random Stranger on the Internet to invite you to a dinner for an Eid event. I assume they mean Eid al-Fitr, since this request came in during the Muslim month of Ramadan. I’m afraid there might be some technical issues, however. One is that being Jewish, we don’t celebrate Eid al-Fitr. Another is that you might have some difficulty getting here, seeing as you live on the other side of the planet; and though I know you’d really love to be able to come visit, you need to stick around to keep your mom (my Bubbie) company, and it might be hard for you to travel here alone.

Nonetheless, do consider yourself invited for dinner any day of the year!

Love you and miss you!

Daniella

“letter on english eid invitation for my best friend”

Dear Internet Stranger’s Best Friend,

I have been requested to write a letter in English–which, ever so fortunately, is my native tongue–inviting you to join him/her for Eid. I assume s/he means Eid al-Adha, given the timing of this request, but unfortunately I believe you have missed your opportunity this year.

However, given that you are best friends, I trust that s/he found another way to invite you. In any event, I hope you enjoyed a wonderful holiday.

Many blessings,

Daniella

“how i spent my eid letter”

(Yes, you wouldn’t believe how many poor, unsuspecting Muslims have stumbled across my blog because they Googled something to do with letters and some Eid or other.)

To Whom It May Concern,

I have been requested to write a letter describing how I spent my Eid.

Well, Eid Al-Adha fell on September 1st this year, which was also a Friday. So I spent the day enjoying a quiet morning with my kids (FINALLY) at school, baking challah, packing, and otherwise preparing to spend Shabbat at my parents’ house. I enjoyed a wonderful and delicious Friday night meal with my parents, cousin, brother, and brand-new future sister-in-law. The challah came out great, in case you’re wondering, but no, we did not slaughter any goats, sheep, or other livestock in the process.

Many blessings,

Daniella


Amused? Check out previous Search Term Q&A’s:

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Q & A with Random Strangers on the Internet, Pt. 4!

Yes, my friends! Traffic to LtJ has been increasing steadily, hitting an average of over 2,000 views per month the last two months, so it’s time to celebrate with yet another Search Term Q & A!

If you’re just tuning in, this is where I respond to various questions and phrases that people have typed into search engines, which then led them to this blog. You can find links to previous Search Term Q & A’s at the bottom of this post.

And now, without further ado:

“orthodox jews is creepy”

Creepy?!

Look how cute we are!!!

Your face is creepy!

(That is a really stupid comeback that Eitan and I constantly say to each other and for some reason, after almost 9 years of marriage, still find hilarious.)

“psalm 23, jewish commentary”

Ahh, yes! I see you found my relevant post on the topic.

“jews living in munich”

I do indeed have a guest letter from a Jew living in Munich! And I would love more guest letters from people of all sorts from all kinds of places! Hint hint!

“what do ultra orthodox jews do for fun”

I love this question!!!

Okay–first off–I’m not ultra-Orthodox, so this isn’t firsthand. Modern Orthodox Jews like myself are somewhere between secular people and ultra-Orthodox in terms of acceptable forms of recreation. I’ll elaborate on the differences as I answer the question.

So the thing to understand about how ultra-Orthodox Jews spend their time is that the #1 most important thing in their lives is the Torah: either learning it or practicing its teachings (a.k.a. keeping the commandments). Everything they do is supposed to be oriented towards this ultimate goal. Doing anything that is not oriented towards this goal is considered a waste of time. There’s even a term for it: “bittul Torah”–wasting time that should be spent on Torah.

That doesn’t mean that they never have fun!

The fact is that joy and pleasure are built into Torah life. Every week we have these festive dinner/lunch parties (a.k.a. Shabbat meals) with friends and family. In the ultra-Orthodox community there are always lifecycle events to attend, like weddings, bar/bat mitzvahs, etc., where it is a mitzvah to dance and sing and feast! Hassidic communities have huge events with their rebbes on Shabbatot, too. There are Torah classes or concert/prayer/learning gatherings to attend… and, of course, there are holidays every 3 seconds, and we’re happy with any excuse for more feasting, dancing, and singing!

As for more “everyday” forms of entertainment: ultra-Orthodox Jews generally do not watch movies (unless they were produced by other ultra-Orthodox Jews–a very small but growing industry), surf the Internet, attend secular concerts, or go to bars or nightclubs. They do hang out in parks and resorts, have picnics, go on hikes, and–as long as men and women are strictly separated– even go swimming. Many teenagers are involved in charity and volunteer projects to keep them off the streets. Better than video games and Snapchat for sure!

Modern Orthodox Jews do watch movies and surf the Internet and may attend secular concerts, but we don’t dance or swim in mixed company either. Swimming pools and beaches in areas with a lot of observant Jews have separate swimming hours for men and women.

“what symbol was used by agagites?”

Um… that… would be impossible to know, as the only source we have on them is the Bible, and it doesn’t mention anything about a symbol. Agagites are descendants of Agag, who was an Amalekite, and the only Agagite mentioned is Haman, from the book of Esther.

“alternative origins for haman the agagite”

What am I, the expert on Agagites now?!

Again–the only source we have for Haman the Agagite is the book of Esther. So the academic argument is not so much about his origins as about whether he existed at all.

“www.danniella levy sex.de”

Oy, do you have the wrong number, my friend. Unlike the British porn star who apparently shares my name, I offer the Internet my intellect, wit, knowledge, love, insight, empathy, and skill with words. I think those are far more valuable assets. But, you know. To each his own.

“what is the headgear that jews wear?”

Good of you to ask! I see you found my post on that subject exactly: A Blessing on Your Head: Jewish Headgear. In a nutshell: religious Jewish men wear kippot (skullcaps) and/or hats of various sorts, and married religious Jewish women wear scarves, hats, or wigs.

“apologize letter because you are impostor”

To Whom It May Concern,

It has come to my attention, thanks to the advice from a Random Stranger on the Internet, that I am an impostor. I am not entirely sure how or when I began to impersonate myself, but rest assured that it was never my intention to do so. I am shocked and deeply regretful to learn that this is the case.

Please accept my sincerest apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused you.

With respect,

Daniella Levy

“just checking in letter”

To Whom It May Concern,

I am just checking in, as per your request.

Many blessings,

Daniella Levy

“yes wear your head gear 651”

Um. Okay. I… will do that. Not sure what 651 means.

images of a christian girl apply local henna in ethiopia”

Huh. Well, no, that I don’t have, but I do have an image of my friends Hadar & Yossi, the latter of whom is of Ethiopian descent, at their henna party:

But they are Jewish, and in Israel, and he’s a guy. So… sorry.

“the craziest judaism belives”/”weird judaism beliefs”

Okay look, I’ll be the first to admit that we Jews do some pretty crazy things… but in the weird belief department, I think we’re actually pretty boring.

I think it’s because we’re “mother religion” to both Christianity and Islam. So many of our beliefs overlap with theirs–ones that are fairly universally accepted and palatable. Plus, we’ve been accused of being overly logical when it comes to belief, and I think our penchant for thinking things through very, very, very carefully means that we don’t tend to hold on to the really “out there” stuff.

We do have a mystic tradition, the Zohar/Kabbalah, which has some pretty weird stuff in it, but precisely because it takes a lot of maturity to place it in the proper context, we’re not even allowed to study it properly until the age of 40.

“www.oldest bable qur’an holybooks.mede only skin.com”

That’s… a diverse range of interests, Random Stranger.

“jew sick religion”

I’m going to go ahead and assume that you’re using the word “sick” in its inverted slang usage, i.e., to mean “awesome”. Because I learned from my totally awesome Jewish religion that I should judge everyone favorably! You can learn more about judging favorably here!

 

Any other questions?! Do feel free to ask!


Want to see previous Search Term Q & A’s? Here they are:

Search Term Q & A, Pt. 1

Search Term Q & A, Pt. 2

Search Term Q & A, Pt. 3

Q&A with Random Strangers on the Internet, Pt. 3!

Yes, ladies and gents, it’s time for yet another Q&A with Random Strangers on the Internet!

Every so often I like to collect some interesting, funny, or strange search terms that led people to my blog and respond to them in a post. In case you missed them, here is Part I, and here’s Part II. Enjoy!

“what are the jewish people with the furry circle hats called”

Those would be the Hassidim. The furry hats are called “streimels,” and are usually only worn on Shabbat and holidays. More about Hassidism here, and more about stuff Jews put on their heads here.

“why is jerusalem most treasured”

Well, I see you found my post called Why Jerusalem Matters, which answers that question pretty well–at least, why Jerusalem is so treasured by the Jewish people. The short answer is that it was home to our Holy Temple, which was the focal point of our religion in Biblical times.

Jerusalem bears significance for Christians in the context of Jesus’s life, death, and (according to their beliefs) resurrection. It is important to Muslims because of the Dome of the Rock, where, they believe, Mohammed ascended to Heaven.

“facts about zionism odd practises” / “weird zionist jewish traditions”

Well, Zionism doesn’t really have “practices” or “traditions” because it’s not a religion or culture, it’s a form of nationalism. These days it is often used by antisemites when what they really mean is Judaism. Because apparently these days it is frowned upon to hate someone for their religion, but it is totally A-okay to hate someone for their politics. (…???)

So let me make this clear: Zionism is nothing more than the belief that the Jewish people has a right to self-determination in its ancestral homeland. You can be Jewish without being a Zionist, and you can be Zionist without being Jewish.

There are some Israeli national traditions, but I don’t think any of them are particularly weird. I mean, there’s the fact that they like to have ceremonies for everything, and the thing about reading bad poetry at every event, but that’s for another time.

“what do you say in hebrew against haman and hitler”

Oh I know I know! Jews often add “yimach shmo,” which literally means “may his name be obliterated,” after saying the name of an evil person. As a kid I thought you weren’t even allowed to mention Hitler’s name without adding yimach shmo.

“can religious people be good at sex”

*cough*

Yes.

Better than secular people, according to research.

Next!

“jewish sexuality sheet”

OH DON’T GET ME STARTED.

Okay, you got me started.

As I explain here, there is a prevalent myth that Jewish couples have sex through a hole in the sheet, and it is absolutely, 100% false.

Jewish tradition views sex as a powerful force that can be either incredibly positive and sacred or incredibly destructive, depending on how it is used. The positive aspect isn’t just about childbearing, either. In the proper context, sex creates intimacy and enhances the sacred bond between a man and his wife. It’s not that different from the way we enjoy delicious feasts during the Sabbath and the holidays. We believe that the pleasures of this world, channeled for holiness, themselves become holy.

“things jews like”

Piña coladas and getting caught in the rain?

Okay, seriously though: Jews are people (contrary to what certain headlines on CNN may imply) and as such we have as wide-ranging tastes as any other group of people.

Still, if one must generalize, we do appear to have these loves in common:

  • Arguing
  • Eating
  • Complaining
  • Trying to save the world
  • Dark humor

“jewish custom open book random”

So there is a kabbalistic thing about opening the Tanakh to a random page to help make decisions or determine things. It’s called “Goral HaGra,” the “Lot of the Gaon of Vilna.” The method involves opening the Tanakh to a random page and following the last verse on the page; or, if it doesn’t answer the question, taking the last letter of the verse, and looking for another verse that begins with that letter on the same page.

The story goes that Rabbi Aryeh Levine used this method to identify the remains of 12 soldiers who were killed during the War of Independence. They were 12 of the 35 soldiers who were sent to reinforce Gush Etzion, and were astronomically outnumbered and massacred by the Arab army. They were buried hurriedly because of the conditions of the war, and later, when they were exhumed and moved to a more respectable gravesite, some of them were impossible to identify. (This was before the days of DNA identification!) The families asked the chief rabbi of Jerusalem, Rabbi Tzvi Pesach Frank, what to do, and he recommended Goral HaGra. Rabbi Ariyeh Levine, a well-known and beloved rabbi in Jerusalem, was assigned the task.

I wouldn’t exactly rely on it when deciding, like, what stocks to invest in, or something. But all things being equal, I guess it beats asking an 8 ball?

There is also the following Chabad custom: to “ask the Rebbe a question” by writing him a letter, folding it up, giving to charity, and sticking the letter randomly into a book of his letters. They then open the book and read the letter on the page where their letter landed.

“most weird ritual in jews”

I have to choose one?

Hmmm.

I mean… this is a very subjective question. I was raised with all these rituals, so there are things that seem totally normal to me that are really weird for other people. I guess if I had to choose one, I’d point to taking the Four Species during Succot. That one is pretty weird.

“how to wrap a pashmina on head jewish”

Well, all right.

(Here’s the post I tried and failed to link to in the video: A Blessing on Your Head: Jewish Headgear)

“hourly miracles that are keeping israel safe”

I don’t know about revealed ones, but hundreds of hidden miracles are keeping Israel safe every minute of every day! Nothing else explains why we’re still here!

“i love shmita”

Oh. That’s cool. Honestly I have mixed feelings about shmita. Like, there are aspects to it that are awesome and all, but some that are a pain in the butt or downright scary.

“im not ok letter”

Oy. I hope you’re okay now.

“how to indotruce topic o holocaust to children”

I do indeed have a post that answers this question! Here it is. I hope you found it useful.

“blessings from hair judaism”

Blessings… from… hair.

…Nope. I got nothin’. Sorry.

“basically anyone israel doesn’t like is an amalekite”

Mmmmmno. There are people who toss around the word “Amalek” the way people toss around the word “Nazi” to describe anyone they don’t like, and I think this is a very dangerous and destructive overuse of both terms.
Amalek, as a nation, is extinct. But we believe that the spiritual heirs of Amalek live on. These are not just anyone we don’t like; they are people who subscribe to the worldview that is the antithesis of everything Judaism stands for: equality, justice, and compassion. I go into more detail in this post.

“rrurh pitorri de morais”

What language is that even?

When I Googled “Rrurh” I found an entry from a Google book that had mistakenly digitized the word “truth” as “rrurh.” There’s a river in Germany called Ruhr?

Perhaps it’s supposed to be a Spanish name? The “de Morais” part sounds right, “Pitorri” sounds a bit Italian maybe?

Maybe Rrurh is the German child of an Italian immigrant who married a Spanish woman?

I’m gonna write a whole novel about this.

“israeli soldiers get book of psalms”

Actually they get a whole Tanakh (which includes the book of Psalms).

When Jewish soldiers are sworn in to the IDF, they receive a Tanakh as a gift from the state. Non-Jewish soldiers receive a holy book of their choosing (usually a Qur’an for Muslims and a Christian Bible for Christians; Druze soldiers receive a medallion, because their holy book is secret!).

At least when I was a sixth-grader, we received a Tanakh as a gift from the state for graduating elementary school. I guess they expect us to lose it in the six years between?

Any other questions?! Do feel free to ask!

Q&A with Random Strangers on the Internet, Pt. 2!

Before I begin, I wanted to bring your attention to a wonderful review of Letters to Josep that Yael Shahar, author of A Damaged Mirror, posted on her blog (which subsequently got a mention in this month’s Jewish Book Carnival). Thanks, Yael!

Onwards. Back in June, I posted a highly amusing piece (if I do say so myself. Well, Josep found it amusing, and that’s what counts here!) in which I decided to answer some questions or comments that various people typed into a search engine and somehow arrived at my blog.

Well, traffic to my blog has steadily increased in the past few months and I’ve been getting more “search term questions”–some of them more bizarre than others–in my stats. So, I have decided to do another Q & A session with Random Strangers on the Internet!

Let us begin:

“why are the jews so weird”

Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? 😛

Here are my highly unprofessional hypotheses:

  1. God could only have chosen an entire nation of weirdos to take on the role of “light unto the nations” and “a nation of priests.” A’right? Because nobody normal would agree to take on this insanity.
  2. We’ve been through a lot. You have to be pretty weird to survive 2,000 years of exile, persecution, massacres, and hatred, and still love and celebrate life. In the immortal words of Seal, “Oh, we’re never gonna surviiiiiive uuuuuunless we are a little craaazy!” We’re like your eccentric grandma who has been through so much, she doesn’t give a rat’s behind what anybody thinks about her anymore. (…Oh, you don’t have a grandma like that? I do. Hi Bubbie! 😛 )
  3. Inbreeding? Researchers found a bottleneck of only around 350 Ashkenazi Jews during the Middle Ages from which the entire Ashkenazi population today is descended. This could account for some, erm, weirdnesses.
  4. Our intense holidays seasons are enough to drive anybody completely batty. And we’ve been doing ’em for 3,000 years. So.

“jewish people are strange”

…Search terms along these lines are apparently what I get for having a post titled “15 Weird Things Jews Do” go viral.

“what’s the jew thing to do”

Hmm. Well, that depends on the context. A typical Jewish response to pretty much anything is to complain about it, argue about it with anyone who’s willing to listen, joke about it, and then sing loudly and dance the hora because it’s Shabbat/a holiday/a wedding/a bar mitzvah/a happy occasion of any sort and we’ll be darned if we aren’t going to celebrate.

“all the thins jews dont do”

That, my friend, is a very long list.

image of man with huge book with caption, "All the Things Jews Don't Do"

Of the 613 commandments, 365 are “negative” commandments (do nots).  I can’t find a comprehensive list of the negative commandments separated from the positive ones, but here’s a complete list of the 613 based primarily on Maimonides (there are other sources that list them a little differently).

But many of those are not that relevant to daily life. The most important things to know about Jews not doing is: not eating non-kosher food (click here to find out what that means) and not working or performing creative activities on the Sabbath (explained here) or on certain holidays (explained here). There are a bunch of other random stuff, and if you’re interested in learning more, you can check out my book 🙂

“why do ultra orthodox jews clap”

Because… they’re happy and they know it?

Okay okay but seriously–there is an actual thing about clapping hands. Rebbe Nachman of Breslov taught that “dancing and clapping hands can sweeten all the decrees.” According to the kabbalah, the right hand is associated with lovingkindness and mercy, and the left hand is associated with justice. Thus, symbolically bringing them together brings mercy into justice.

Or something.

Either way, Breslover hassidim sometimes clap while they pray for this reason, and other Jews who are into Hassidism have adopted the practice as well. Especially during the high holidays.

See, for example, this little scene from “The Guests,” a (really great) Israeli film about a Breslover couple in Jerusalem:

…Yeah, shouting at the top of your lungs is also a Breslover thing. It’s kind of like the shofar, only using your voice. There’s a guy here who does this in public on a regular basis and you can hear him from all over the town.

“throw out dishes in jewish religion”

YES. THANK YOU. Contrary to the popular myth, as described in my recent post on the subject, we do not bury dishes that have been made non-kosher. In the case of ceramic dishes, they cannot be kashered, and therefore we have to throw them out. Fortunately, I personally have never had an issue with a ceramic dish; it is usually cooking utensils like spatulas and wooden spoons that get mixed up around here. You know, you’re standing over the stove, composing your next blog post in your head while you fry the onions, and–whoops! Wrong spatula.

…Okay, so I’m kind of a space cadet. But to be fair it happens to Eitan more often than to me!

“an invitation to pray for israel during the days of awe”

Consider yourself invited! We can use any prayer we can get!

“17 tammuz liquid fast orthodox jewish”

No, actually, the 17th of Tammuz is a typical Jewish fast, which means we refrain from both eating and drinking. More on Jewish fasts here, and more on the 17th of Tammuz and the Three Weeks here.

“judeo arabic phrases”

Sorry, all I know are some very basic Palestinian Arabic phrases. After finishing the French program on DuoLingo, I decided to take a break from DuoLingo (which had been RULING MY LIFE for the past 2.5 years) and from Romance languages and focus on studying spoken Palestinian Arabic through this awesome website for Hebrew speakers, Madrasa.

But often, Jewish dialects of other languages are basically the same as those languages with a few Hebrew and Aramaic words and phrases thrown in. You’ll be pretty safe with “insh’allah” (“God willing”), “mashallah” (“God has willed it”), “alhamdullilah” (“Praise God”), etc., like the Muslims say!

More about Jewish languages here.

“we are the battle ground between good and evil”

Yeah, we totally are.

“was hitler an amalekite”

We Jews argue that he was, in the sense that he “inherited” the spiritual legacy of Amalek. (The actual nation of Amalek disappeared thousands of years ago, so he probably was not one in the genetic sense.) More about that here.

“king david ultimate in tshuva”

King David does stand as a very important example in teshuva (repentance). King Saul, his predecessor, lost his right to the throne because after he sinned, he refused to own up to it when he was confronted by Samuel the Prophet. King David, on the other hand, immediately admitted that he had sinned. There is an entire chapter in Psalms that is believed to have been composed by him when he was confronted by Nathan the Prophet about it (chapter 51).

More about King David and his general awesomeness here, and more about teshuva here.

“the influence of juwish on the development of islam and christianity scriptures”

I’d say we were more than an “influence”; we are the “original,” in the sense that we came first. According to Islam, our scripture is a distorted version of what God originally gave us at Sinai, and the Qur’an is the real deal; according to Christianity, God made a new covenant with humanity when He came to earth as Jesus and sacrificed himself on the cross, nullifying certain aspects of our scripture and replacing them with the Christian bible.

“two most important godly customs”

Let’s see. If I had to choose two customs that are the most important for all of humanity, I think I’d go for prayer and a weekly day of rest (what we practice as Shabbat). Prayer helps us stay connected to ourselves and to God and to hope. A weekly day of rest is good for us in all kinds of ways. Take one day a week to switch off your phone and have a good meal or two with your friends and family, to pray, and to enjoy what you have accomplished that week. Trust me, it’s great stuff.

“is ethiopian jew married another’s jew?”

If you mean, “Can Ethiopian Jews marry other Jews?” the answer is absolutely! I know at least two such couples personally, and look at this adorable music video made by an Ashkenazi Israeli who married an Ethiopian Israeli woman and wrote a song about the coming together of their families:

The singer, Yossi Turetsky, is the son of Ashkenazi immigrants from Great Britain, and his wife made aliyah from Ethiopia with her family during Operation Solomon. An excerpt from the lyrics:

We left the Land thousands of years ago
The distances between us were enormous
We longed for each other each and every moment
For you and me to unite was possible only in our dreams
But the unbelievable happened suddenly…

We are a home again–can you believe it?
We are together again–this is a sign of God’s presence
We are once again being renewed as in those days
We are here again; it is a miracle of God

More about Jewish cultural identities here.

“jew boy selection”

*wince* Too many Holocaust connotations there buddy.

“michal bat esther stabbing”

Yeah, that was scary. Thank God, she’s okay and she gave birth to a healthy baby girl. She has even got involved in peace activism since the attack, partially as a reaction to it.

“are different languages of the world punishment”

My friend Haviv asked me about that! Traditionally it is thought that yes, it was. But I think it’s not all that clear-cut. Here’s my take on it.

“cardboard definition torah”

I… what?

“names of the six compartments of the jewish temple”

I’m not sure what six compartments you are referring to. The Tabernacle and the First Temple had three main areas: the hatzer, the courtyard; the heikhal, the outer hall; and the dvir, or the inner hall, which housed the Holy of Holies. The Second Temple was larger and had additional areas, but that would make more than six.

More about the Temple here.

 “ur light/contrast if you want to feel the effects i’m looking for . code: select all if (!track.has weapons()) { // so what are you going to threaten me with? exhaustion gas? return threat level::none; }”

I don’t know what game you’re playing, or how on earth Google decided it had anything to do with me, but no, I do not plan to threaten you with exhaustion gas. (….???)

“letter to a friend on eid al-adha”

God bless you, Yasmina, I’ve gotten many, many views from Muslim-majority countries thanks to your guest letter.

“funny exclamatory pictures”/”exclamatory expressions”

After seeing both of these I wondered what on earth people were finding on my blog with this search term. So I Google-Image-ed it, and apparently, this picture from 10 Essential Words in Judeo-English is one of the top results:

OY.

Not exactly what I would have described as “exclamatory,” but hey, go figure.

Any other questions, Internet?! Don’t be shy, ask in a comment or via the contact page or in an e-mail to letterstojosep at gmail dot com! I love getting questions from readers!

People Find Me by Googling the Strangest Phrases. Here Are My Responses.

I figured we could all use some comic relief right about now, and this post is presented in that spirit. First, however, I have an exciting announcement: I have been informed by the manager of the Pomeranz bookstore that they will be stocking Letters to Josep: An Introduction to Judaism as of around two weeks from now. They are the most well-known English-language bookstore in Jerusalem, specializing in books of Jewish content, and I am beyond delighted to have my book on their shelves. If you are in the Jerusalem area, I hope you will support both me and them by purchasing a copy from them. They are located downtown, on Be’eri Street, between Ben Yehuda and Hillel. I intend to drop by after the stock arrives to sign some copies, too.

If you have any kind of relationship with the manager of a local bookstore, here’s what you can do to get LtJ onto their shelves: print out a copy of my press kit, or even simply the first page of it, and hand it to them. If they end up ordering some copies, let me know and I will send you a signed bookplate in thanks!

And now, today’s post.


I enjoy checking the visitor stats for this blog. I love to see what countries people are reading from. When I first started writing and my audience was smaller, I knew exactly who was reading when I got a visit from a place like Spain (hi Josep!) or Japan (hi Pamela!), but now, thank God, I tend to get enough traffic from enough interesting places that I really can’t be sure.

Google usually encrypts people’s search terms, so most of the time I have no idea what people have Googled that led them to this blog. Occasionally, though, a non-encrypted search term will appear in my stats, and… let’s just say, sometimes I prefer not to know.

Today I have decided to respond to some of these people and address the (fairly odd) questions that led them to me.

“I often wonder the jews the men smartly dressed with trilbys hats. what do they do in life beside praying.”

Well. That’s pretty much what this whole blog is for! If you find it overwhelming, I highly recommend reading my book!

“isnt delaying iftaar practise of jews? so whats strange if we find this in shias because”

Ramadan Kareem, Internet Stranger! To be accurate, Jews do not observe Ramadan and do not have iftars. (You can read more about Jewish fasting practices and how they compare to those of Islam and Christianity here.)

However, your question inspired me to do a little research, wherein I learned that there is a dispute between Sunnis and Shias concerning iftar (break-fast) time. From what I read, most Sunnis break the fast after sunset, and most Shias break it after nightfall. While it is true that Jews, too, break fasts after nightfall, Shias observe this timing of iftar not because they are secretly Jews, but because of Surah Buqarah aya 187: “eat and drink until the whiteness of the day becomes distinct from the blackness of the night at dawn, then complete the fast till night.

The confusion is because on both the Hebrew and the Muslim calendar, days begin at night. But when does the night begin? Sunset? Twilight? Dusk? Nightfall? Not clear! We Jews call the period between sunset and nightfall “bein hashmashot,” literally “between the suns,” and there are all kinds of difficulties due to the uncertainty regarding exactly which day it is during that period! We try to err on the side of stringency in both directions. That’s why we fast until nightfall.

“weird things jews do”/”jews practicing weird customs”

I get this a lot. My post “15 Weird Things Jews Do” went viral last year and is, at the moment, the #2 result when I Google that phrase. Weird Jewish Customs ‘R’ Us!

“wierd thongs jews do”

That, my friend, is an entirely different question.

“religious people are right about sex”

Well, I am flattered that you think so. I wouldn’t put it quite so boldly, but I tend to agree with you, as evidenced by this post.

“pizza manu carp meem domenoz”

I…. am so sorry. I have no idea what language that is, and I certainly have no idea how you managed to stumble across my blog while Googling it. I do love pizza, though, so there’s that.

“do breslev kallah cover their hair straight after the chuppah”

Huh. No idea. I know that some Sephardic brides do, but Breslev is a sect of Hassidism originating in Ashkenaz, so I would guess that they don’t. In any case, it wouldn’t be straight after the chuppah, it would be after the yichud room. (If you don’t understand half the words in those last two sentences, see Different Kinds of Jews, Part I, and Part II, and my “Jewish Weddings” post.)

“what is the halakhic definition of a jew?”

Excellent question! Someone who was born to a halakhically Jewish mother, or who converted to Judaism according to Jewish law. More details here.

“stay with me versionada al català”

Em sap greu. I have literally no idea how or why Google directed you to me! The extent of my Catalan is a few key phrases/greetings and a couple random food words like el poncem and la remolatxa. (Don’t even ask.) (Okay, you can ask. El poncem because it’s a fruit used in an odd Jewish ritual during Succotla remolatxa because, as explained in the footnote on Passover Part II: “I served a Moroccan beet salad to Josep when he was here for Shabbat, and he asked me what it was, but we did not have a common language in which we both knew the word for this vegetable. After Shabbat I Googled it, and now I’ll never forget. (When I clarified, he was like, ‘Not something I eat every day!’ Was that a polite way to tell me he hated it? I decided not to press the issue.)”)

Anyway, where were we? Oh yes: “Stay with Me.” I can see why you wanted a translation; it’s a catchy and poignant song. Unfortunately the lyrics aren’t much to write home about. You should definitely write a better version in Catalan.

“caganer equivalent in judaism”

Listen… I’ll be the first to admit that Jews have some pretty odd practices. (See: “Weird Things Jews Do” above.) But Catalans and their crazy Christmas traditions are a whole different class of weird.

We have no such equivalent. Sorry to disappoint you. But Josep and I always get excited about anyone drawing any connection, however vague it may be, between Judaism/Israel and Catalonia, so thanks for the thought.

“catalan jew never invite”

I know, right? I have also been disappointed by this lack of hospitality on the part of Catalan Jews. So has Josep, who was not allowed to enter the synagogue in Barcelona because he is not Jewish. Uncool, Catalan Jews. (In their defense, their spurning of Josep was because of the tight security, which is meant to keep Jews safe from antisemites. Of course, if they had bothered to talk to him for more than 30 seconds, they would have realized that they had something entirely different on their hands.)

“jewish therapy barcelona”

Yes, Barcelona is most definitely in need of some Jewish therapy.

“yiddish nachas, vol. 2”

If you are my mother, I believe you have arrived at the correct destination.

(“Yiddishe nachas” generally refers to the feeling of pride and satisfaction a Jewish parent feels about their children being good Jews. More about “nachas” here.)

“tomb of the paper manufacturer max krause in the jerusalem cemetery in berlin”

I…. literally have no idea what this is about. And I have no idea how Google decided that my blog had anything to do with it. Sorry.

“letters as to why shabbat is important”

I’ve got one! Here it is.

“danniella levy shaving”

Regretfully, I’ve been growing out my beard for years. Can’t help you there.

“download video seks daniela levy”

…Nope.

“foto danniella levy”

That you can have. It’s on the “about” page of the blog. But I have a feeling you may be disappointed. In light of this line of inquiry on the part of Random Internet Strangers such as yourself, it has come to my attention that there’s a porn star who shares my name, and, well. Nope. Juuuuust nope.

Gonna file that one under “Things I Wish I Never Knew About the Universe.”

“the sanctity of shabbos: a comprehensive guide to forbidden activities which one may ask a gentile to do on the sabbath or yom tov”

Actually, it’s a debate as to whether or not it is permissible to ask a gentile to do anything forbidden on the Sabbath or Yom Tov. Most agree that ideally, you should not do so, even though you may benefit from the actions of a non-Jew on Shabbat (say, if you are sharing a room with a non-Jewish roommate and she turns off the light so she can sleep). But if it’s really necessary for your well-being during Shabbat, you can hint to a non-Jew that you need something done for you (for instance, if the light is on in your room and you catch a random non-Jew in the hallway and say something like, “The light in my room is extremely bright, don’t you think? Very hard to sleep with it on, I imagine”).

This is not a comprehensive guide, of course. I hope you found one.

“i asked for forgiveness to anyone gmar katima tova”

Oh. I am glad to hear that. Gmar Chatima Tova to you as well.

“what is the special dietary needs that must be considered for the juwish”

Aha! Now that is a question Josep has asked me! And my answer was so complicated it was split into three letters: here, here, and here.

“i m not supporter of orthodox rutuals a letter”

Hmm. This blog is probably not what you were looking for.

“chag hakurban”

Who are you that you Googled “Eid Al-Adha” under its Hebrew name in English transliteration? You sound like my kind of person.

Well folks, if you have any other random (or non-random) questions for me, do feel free to ask!